This is my takeaway of the New York Times best seller F*ck Feelings: One Shrink’s Practical Advice for Managing All Life’s Impossible Problems.
The only self-help book you’ll ever need, from a psychiatrist and his comedy writer daughter who will help you put aside your unrealistic wishes and stop trying to change things you can’t change.
Do the best with what you can to control the first steps to managing all of life’s impossible problems.
Here is the cut-to-the-chase therapy session you’ve been looking for.
Need to stop screwing up? Do you work with an asshole? Think you can rescue an addicted person? Have you realized that your parents are assholes? Feel compelled to clear your name?Want to get a lover to commit? Ready to vent your anger?
In this sensible book, a Harvard-educated shrink and his comedy-writer daughter reveal that the real f-words in life are feelings and fairness. While most self-help books are about your feelings and fulfilling your wildest dreams,
Fk Feelings will show you how to find a new kind of freedom by getting your head out of your ass.
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Problems with Self-Improvement:
- diminishing returns
- prevents you from accepting yourself and living with what you’ve got
- bad habits are never fully under your control
- use your limited strength to do what’s important
- limits (v. Joe Karbo)
- you can control how hard you try (actions) but not always the results
What you think you can control but can’t:
- relationship status
- opinions of others
- junk food
Knowing what you can control and what you can’t saves time and frustration.
- praise, salary, or fairness you deserve
- peace, love, happiness
- knowing you are on the right track
- keeping your life on track
- reasonable standards for what you can do
- self-respect for meeting these standards
- survive pain, fear, and distress – and give yourself credit for surviving
- not let pain change your values, basic path, or determination
- look for any red flags prior to a meltdown
- could you have reasonably done anything different
- rate yourself
- getting at the root of a problem (why) is a giant waste of time
Remember: shit happens
- clear understanding of what’s wrong
- complete control over the problem
- an easier way of dealing with it
- reliable way of treating and preventing it
- know as much as anyone knows about a problem while accepting your inability to know more
- accept the pain of having to deal with a problem you don’t fully understand
- deep motivation for not letting a problem change your values or priorities
- don’t let humiliation interfere with your determination to manage it
- if you can’t figure out the problem with the Internet and 2 experts, stop trying
- stop asking why and start asking how
- put aside shame and blame
- on-demand concentration and focus
- not acting stupid at times
- good results whenever you work hard
- not being scared shitless before you start working
- define for yourself what is necessary to get done
- find your own path for doing and delegating what’s necessary
- know you’ve done your best regardless of results
- take pride in your ability to work with what you’ve got